Lived Experience
When Someone Leaves but Still Expects Access
There is a particular kind of confusion that comes from being abandoned emotionally while still being expected to remain physically and intimately available.
Articles & Resources
Insights to support your journey
Written by Maria Sarina — counsellor, social psychologist, and social researcher — these articles offer practical, compassionate reading on children's wellbeing, healing from toxic relationships, and professional practice.
Lived Experience
No Contact Has Helped Me Find Myself Again
Since choosing no contact, I have finally been able to come up for air. I can breathe deeply. I can take care of myself.
Lived Experience
When "Disrespect" Becomes an Excuse for Mistreatment
There is a terrible danger hidden in the way some people use the words respect and disrespect, particularly within families and relationships where abuse is present.
Lived Experience
An Open Letter to My Sons
I don't know whether you will ever read this. I don't know whether you will ever want to hear from me. So I am writing it down. Not to change your mind. Not to defend myself. Simply because there is something I need you to know.
Lived Experience
The Warning I Could Feel but Could Not Name
I didn't ignore the warning signs. I felt them. I just didn't have the language. At thirty, I knew something was wrong. At fifty, I can finally describe some of what I was experiencing.
Relationships
When Liking Becomes the Measure of Love
Liking and loving are not psychologically equivalent. One is an emotion, the other a relational orientation — and confusing the two can quietly unravel even the most committed relationships.
Narcissistic Abuse
What Is Narcissistic Abuse — And How Do You Heal From It?
Many people who have experienced narcissistic abuse don't realise what happened to them until long after it's over. Understanding what it is — and that healing is possible — is the first step.
Narcissistic Abuse
When the Marriage Becomes Toxic: A Different Kind of Battle When Children Are Involved
You cannot navigate a highly toxic relationship in the same way you navigate an ordinary relationship breakdown. When children are involved, the rules of the game are different — and you have to become much more intentional.
Narcissistic Abuse
No Contact When You Have Children: The Day I Finally Came Up for Air
No Contact wasn't revenge. It wasn't punishment. It wasn't about winning. It was about breathing. For the first time in a long time, I finally came up for air.
Narcissistic Abuse
He Left Me at the Altar
There are some moments in a marriage that you remember because they were beautiful. And there are moments you remember because, looking back, you realise they were telling you the truth. For me, one of those moments happened on my wedding day.
Narcissistic Abuse
When the Mask Falls: Why Some Toxic Relationships Look So Good in the Beginning
One of the most confusing things about a toxic relationship is how good it can look at the beginning. Sometimes, it looks exceptional. The attention is intense. The affection is constant. And you naturally think: this must be love.
Post-Separation Parenting
When a Child Speaks: Listening to the Unspoken Wounds
In my years of professional practice, I have sat across from many parents and children navigating the complex aftermath of separation. But recently, in a deeply personal moment with my own son, I was reminded just how crucial — and healing — honest conversations can be.
Post-Separation Parenting
The Amusement Park Analogy
As a social psychologist and counsellor, I have spent many years helping families navigate the emotional complexities of separation. But every so often, a personal conversation with my own children teaches me something that theory alone never could.
Domestic Violence
Two Years Ago He Walked Out the Door
Two years ago he walked out the door after the police were called. It wasn't a single argument that ended everything — it was the moment he was finally held to account for behaviour that had haunted her for years.
Parenting
Is It Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation occurs when a parent influences a child to reject the other parent. But what happens when children say no on their own terms — clearly, consistently, and with reason? This is her story. You be the judge.
Narcissistic Abuse
When Punishment Replaces Conversation
For many years in my marriage, whenever something went wrong, the response was never conversation — it was punishment, rage, and withdrawal. I never knew what had happened, how to fix it, or even if it was safe to bring up my feelings.
Self-Care
Today I Did Not Ask for a Takeaway Cup
Today began with a meltdown. But after the chaos, I did something different. I sat in a café with a real cup — and for the length of that coffee, I visited the woman I have long abandoned. She was still there.
Narcissistic Abuse
When the Scales Fall
Sometimes I imagine what would happen if everything aligned, and in a single moment, the scales fell from his eyes. That distorted version of me would dissolve — and suddenly, there I would be. Not the caricature. Not the invention. But me.
Narcissistic Abuse
The Fictional Me He Abused: When Love Turns to Projection
Somewhere early in the relationship, he began to mentally recast me. I ceased to exist in his eyes — not the real me, but a shadow version. A distorted copy. A scapegoat he had constructed so he could justify his withdrawal, his cruelty, and his betrayal.
Trauma
Primal Warnings and Somatic Dread
Our bodies often know something is wrong before our minds catch up. This article explores the concept of somatic dread — the primal warning signals our nervous system sends — and what they mean for healing.
Children's Counselling
How Do I Know If My Child Needs Counselling?
As a parent, it can be hard to know when your child is just going through a phase — and when they might benefit from some extra support. Here are some gentle signs to look for.
Narcissistic Abuse
The Alpha–Beta Dynamic: When Power Is Real vs When It Is Forced
We use the words Alpha and Beta not as labels for worth, but as descriptions of behaviour patterns. Real alpha strength is rare — it protects, it does not dominate. Understanding the difference is the first step toward healing.